Is Mindfulness Stressing You Out?
/Sprinkle in Mini Mindful Moments
At times, being mindful and practicing mindfulness may feel like very different things. As much as I love the practice of mindfulness, I have struggled with it (and at times still do). The struggle arises when I see it as something to schedule into my daily routine rather than as a tool I can use to respond to my needs in the moment. Fear-based thoughts tell me, “If you don’t practice mindfulness 15 minutes a day in the morning and before bed, then you are not mindful!” At these times, I feel like I am failing at mindfulness, which in itself is contrary to what mindfulness is all about. When these thoughts arise, I remind myself to redefine my limiting beliefs and release my judgments around my practice.
The idea that in order to have a “successful” mindfulness practice it must be scheduled and consistent, and that an alarm or timer of some sort was required to ensure I meditated long enough, is limiting and untrue.
As someone with tight hips, sitting cross-legged is very uncomfortable for me, which makes this idea even more challenging – and limiting. When I learned to use a bolster to help relieve the discomfort in my hips from sitting, I was convinced I would then be able to stick to a meditation schedule.
The physical modification wasn’t enough.
I began to feel anxious as I searched for the best guided meditation. I found myself scrolling through various meditation apps (amazing and abundant as they are) having a hard time choosing the “perfect” one. The belief that there was a “perfect” way to practice led me to create unrealistic goals for my mindfulness practice and, as a result, it began to feel unattainable, unmeaningful, and stressful.
Mindfulness is an evidence-based practice with many research findings on how the practice can improve one’s sense of well-being over time. It is not supposed to be stressful.
Even knowing this, when it comes to mindfulness and other practices, controlling and perfectionist thoughts often drive my behaviors. It’s a vicious cycle. Through my practice as a health and wellness coach, I have become aware that many people experience similar challenges and are faced with repetitive and demanding thoughts that lead to behaviors that negatively impact our sense of well-being.
I am not implying in any way that scheduling a mindfulness practice is not a good approach. As a health and wellness coach, I have seen how committing to a practice at a scheduled time can be a fruitful option for many people when it is aligned with their needs and intentions. I also have worked with people who tried setting alarms and timers as helpful reminders to be mindful and have instead found them to be a nuisance. Instead of the alarm being a reminder to be in the present moment, they ignore them or turn them off and then go back to what they were doing – mindlessly.
When I am “being” mindful, I am not “doing” mindful. My thoughts are no longer controlling my experience because I also am present in my mind, body, and spirit. This experience is coupled with a curiosity, open-heartedness, compassion, presence, and discernment that makes me feel whole and connected to my true self. It is a real gift to be in this safe and comforting space that feels like home.
This approach has taken me some time to put into practice. The wise and inspirational meditation teacher, Tara Brach, repeatedly says that you do not have to believe your thoughts. At first, I didn’t understand what that meant or how it could be possible to not believe your thoughts because isn’t everything we do driven by them? One day, during a random mindful moment, it clicked for me. It became clear to me how the egoic mind can be viewed as a protector - a protector that shares fear-based thoughts in hopes that we will respond accordingly and be safe. However, these messages may be conditioned by old patterns of thinking and behaviors that may not be supportive of our emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing.
This revelation in itself has improved my overall sense of well-being.
When I am in a mindful place, I feel free to witness my thoughts by labeling them as simply a type of thought (i.e., future, past, fear-based), and release them, connecting back to my breath and body. This practice of being in the moment allows me to distinguish between what’s true in that moment and the stories that sweep me away for minutes on end.
I remind myself that I do not have to believe these fear-based thoughts, that they are not based in fact. When I need to calm myself to prevent and manage stress and anxiety, I call upon the facts that I know to be true. I say my name, my age, where I live, the names of my husband and kids, my favorite foods, colors, etc. Reciting what is true in the moment helps to override the thoughts that take me away from the present moment, mindful curiosity, open-heartedness, compassion, presence, and discernment. My body and breath begin to regulate, the thoughts lessen their grip on me, and I return to presence, mindful curiosity, open-heartedness, compassion, and discernment.
Rather than scheduling a time to practice mindfulness, I use my innate mindfulness skills on an as-needed basis to respond to cues from my mind, body, and spirit. I listen more deeply to the needs of my body and the emotions that follow, and in return the protector thoughts both soften and feel heard at the same time.
The following list recaps (in no particular order) some of the mini mindful moments I use daily and share with my clients. Try them yourself when you feel stressed or hear those fear-based thoughts that threaten to impact your health and well-being – emotional, mental, physical, social, financial, professional, environmental, and spiritual.
Remember that the practice of being mindful is unique to each person.
Note: This list of suggestions is not exhaustive and is meant to be a guide only.
● Remind yourself that you don’t have to believe all fear-based thoughts; thank the thoughts for their insight and concern, and reconnect to body and breath
● State the facts: your name, age, birthdate, address, phone number, places you’ve traveled
● Connect with your body through touch; rub palms and/or fingertips together, feel your feet on ground, wiggle your toes, place your hands on your thighs
● Connect with your breath to anchor to your body and spirit. Notice and modify as needed to allow for deeper and longer inhales and exhales
● Access imagery that comes naturally to you: a balloon expanding and contracting with each breath, a lake with a canoe, a favorite vacation spot, a place where you feel safe and comforted
● Have a few sips of water or a warm drink while you sit in silence
● Journal or draw
● Go outside and sit in silence
● Move your body in a way that you enjoy
● Use your senses to notice what’s going on within you and around you. What do you hear? See? Smell? Feel? Taste?
● Practice self-compassion by saying kind things to yourself as you would to a loved one. Can you reframe a negative statement about yourself to be, instead, supportive and loving?
● Place your hand on heart and express kindness towards yourself
● Notice and explore imagery, words, and affirmations that help you feel safe, loved, and calm
● Listen to calming music
● Notice and respond to physical cues like pain or discomfort in a compassionate way rather than ignore them
● Anticipate and/or use pauses or breaks in the day like standing in line or waiting on hold to use your senses to connect with your breath and body
The greatest takeaway in my own practice of mindfulness has been that it's the mini mindful moments that have the most impact. I’ve experienced, for myself, how many of these mini-moments add up to something much larger. My hope for you is that you sprinkle mini-mindful moments throughout your day and that these moments will bring you more joy, gratitude, and compassion by simply “being” you.
