The Power of Platonic Relationships
/Swimming in my uncle’s pool on the 4th of July, I was catching up with a lifelong friend. She told me about a life-coaching program she had just finished, and she was in need of people to “practice” with for a small fee. She is someone I had always looked up to, trusted, and respected, so I agreed be her guinea pig. Through this program, my life was forever changed.
The life-coaching program emphasizes tapping into your feminine side and women supporting women. These ideas led to being introduced to the concept of a Power Partner. A Power Partner is an intentional platonic friend who you support and who feels supported by you. At the beginning this idea is something I felt very unqualified to pursue.
I knew Bethany from Green Lotus’ yoga teacher training. We were friendly and got along well, yet didn’t have a strong connection at the start. All of that changed when our sangha trekked up to Duluth, her hometown, for a fall visit a few months after training ended. Bethany and I are both schoolteachers, and we spent a several-mile hike at the front of the pack discussing qualms about teaching through a pandemic. As we talked and hiked, I thought, “Maybe she could be my Power Partner. I was unsure and nervous to ask.
This is not something that people do with their friends – ask them to be in a committed, intentional relationship?!?
What would she say?
Later that evening, while sitting in a 140-degree steaming sauna, I asked her to try something with me, a different kind of relationship. I asked her to be my Power Partner. This sort of partnership with another woman is rare, beautiful, and generative. It is one that comes with intention, guidelines, connection, and vulnerability.
Bethany was intrigued. We had a lot in common, we enjoyed growing, learning, teaching. The partnership seemed to make sense to her, too. Right away we set up our first call. I explained what I had learned in the life-coaching program; she had done a similar program and was familiar with the idea. This would be a supportive partnership with guidelines and boundaries. We decided how often we would connect and how to make sure it was worthwhile for both of us. Bethany and I decided to share a weekly individualized intention once a week, check in on the intention twice a week, and have a monthly phone call to share our experiences.
Our weekly intentions sparked the most growth in each of us. We choose an intention based on what felt right at that very moment. Different from a goal, an intention fosters curiosity and wondering and focuses on creativity and expansion. When we set intentions, we are not focused on an outcome or end point. With an intention we are, instead, opening ourselves to welcoming a new understanding of ourselves. Bethany was unclear about what an intention was, and she was ready to set goals at the start of our partnership. A goal might be “I will wake up to my alarm each morning”, while an intention is open-ended: “I will get curious as to why I do not want to get out of bed with my alarm.” Switching from the word “goal” to “intention” was challenging for Bethany. Culture tells us to set and meet goals with discipline, forcefulness, and sudden change, oftentimes disregarding who we are as people. Through an intention, I might get curious about listening deeply, wonder how I can connect more to my intuition, or get creative about a way I feel stuck. These new insights led us to revolutionize our thinking and to a deeper understanding of ourselves.
As Power Partners, we reflect each other’s brilliance back upon the other. When I am in a clouded, dark, and stuck place, sometimes it is hard to see who I am; Bethany brings me back to the light by always seeing and believing in the best parts of me. Where I see lack, she points out abundance, where she sees herself as stuck, I point out expansion and growth. Through this relationship, I feel supported and understood. I feel more confident taking chances and risks because I have someone who supports me, is a cheerleader for my growth, and is also committed to their own.
We have now been Power Partners for many months. Despite the long physical distance between us, we are committed to making time and space for each other. We have exponentially grown as separate people precisely because of the bond and commitment we share. This summer we celebrated our relationship by camping at St. Croix State Park. Our new yearly tradition has been declared a Power Partner Summit. By the campfire we ignited ideas we wanted to take home with us, such as an intention from the year that caused us to be curious, and let burn the old thought patterns that no longer serve us.
Culture has taught me that the most important relationship in my life is that of the romantic variety. We see this in action all the time when romantic partnerships push so much else and so many others away. That is a another topic to explore. For now, I am so thankful I can be a happily married woman with a platonic Power (aka life) Partner on the side. She is truly family now, and I can’t imagine what my life would be like without her. I am grateful to the universe for guiding us to this relationship. In many ways, it has transformed my life and will continue to do so.
If you are curious, maybe ask someone you feel a connection to if they would like to be intentional partners. Together, decide your own guidelines and boundaries. Do what works for you and know that when you say yes to a friend that says yes to you, your universe will expand, and you will shine more brilliantly than ever. You never know where you might find a Power Partner – work, a yoga class, book club, or ??? If you set your intention to find them, they might just appear at exactly the right time.
Ashley Winger, RYT200
Ashley has been practicing yoga for since 2010. She was drawn to the non-competitive aspect of yoga and has cultivated a strong practice that includes Gentle, Hatha, and Vinyasa. At the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, she realized learning how to teach yoga was next on her path, at a time when life seemed too stationary. Ashley completed her RYT 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training at Green Lotus, and her love for yoga deepened. Through yoga, Ashley is able to get out of her mind and ground into her body. She is eager to help her students at Green Lotus find peace and mental clarity through grounding practices, meditation, and breathwork. While not practicing yoga, Ashley is an elementary school teacher and spends lots of time exploring the outdoors with her husband and dog.
