A Simple Breath
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My son is almost seventeen. He is a typical teenager. He loves to snowboard and hang out with his friends. He has a part-time job and is thinking about where he might want to go to college, taking the entrance exams, and applying for scholarships.
Over the last two years he has gone from a “normal” high-school experience (whatever that means) to virtual classrooms, to schedules split between virtual and in-person, to in-person with masks and social distancing, and to everything in between. This year in particular, his school environment has become increasingly volatile, just as it has in our communities. This year there are more fights, more threats, more conflicts of all types than ever before.
I worry.
As his mom, I worry about him and how all of these things are affecting him during a time when he is growing into the man he will someday be. I worry about the students who are causing the violence. What are they feeling, what are they going through that is causing them to act out by threatening, and at times acting on those threats towards other students and teachers, by vandalizing, and by stealing in our small community?
I worry because I feel helpless. I worry because I don’t want him to feel helpless. I want him to feel confident and empowered to take care of himself in these challenging times and empowered to be a positive force in his school community.
The other day my son and I were chatting about something that had happened that day at school. The police had been called, and multiple students had been arrested. He has struggled with extreme emotions, sensitivity, and anxiety since he was very young, and I was concerned that these situations would cause him to fear going to school, or at least be a distraction. I asked him how he was feeling about the environment at school lately. He said, “I am really lucky that you are my mom and that you are a yoga teacher.”
The “lucky that you are my mom” part warmed my heart. The “and that you are a yoga teacher” part baffled me. He hasn’t done yoga since he was a baby when I practiced Yoga Bonding with him in my arms. As soon as he was big enough to express his preferences, he made it clear that his interests lie elsewhere. So, what did he mean by that statement?
Me & baby Xander - Yoga Bonding
I asked.
“Remember when I was little, and you taught me those breathing exercises?” he responded.
I remembered.
Because of the extreme anxiety that came with his sensory disorder, I’d begun introducing him to stress-reducing breathing techniques at around four years old. We began with sama vritti, a very simple technique of equal breathing. In sama vritti, one breathes in and out for an equal length of time.
You can do this by counting:
Inhale 2 – 3 – 4
Exhale 2 – 3 – 4
We sometimes used images or phrases that appealed to him to make it more fun and kid-friendly. He loved Pokémon and Bakugan so we used those words to establish the equal rhythm of the breath.
Inhale: Po-ke-mon
Exhale: Ba-ku-gan
Or I would play or sing a song and use that to establish a rhythm, breathing in for a phrase and out for a phrase:
Inhale: Puff the magic dragon
Exhale: Lived by the sea
We had many other variations including visualizing the sun rising (inhale) and setting (exhale) and imagining blowing up different colored balloons – inhale a big breath, exhale to blow up the balloon.
The possibilities are infinite, really.
This technique works on a number of levels. First, it engages the mind. When one is concentrating on the breath, its rhythm, an image, repeating a phrase, or counting, the mind is too busy to think about other things. It gets a break from all of the things that might worry or trouble us.
Secondly, it slows down and deepens the breath, which becomes quick and shallow when we are stressed. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, resulting in a more relaxed state overall.
Energetically, it brings balance to the opposite energies that reside in each of us. You might think of these opposites as Yin and Yang, bright and dark, or sun and moon. When we become stressed or anxious, the more active energies of Yang, sun, and bright become dominant. They prepare us for action and also prevent us from resting. By balancing the breath, and thereby balancing the energies, we can move to a state of calm steadiness.
I was amazed that my nearly grown son was still using this technique so many years later and that he even remembered me teaching it to him. I told him so. He proudly informed me that he had been regularly using “the breathe in for 4 and out for 4 one”, as he called it, regularly to help him sleep and to calm himself down any time he felt anxiety rising up.
I was blown away. As parents we often doubt that our children are listening to anything we say. I had confirmation that he had not only listened, but also remembered, believed, and practiced.
I had confirmation that this oh-so-simple technique, so simple I taught it to a squirrely four-year-old, can be a valuable tool that he can take with him for the rest of his life, wherever he goes. He can practice it in almost any situation and receive its benefit, without anyone even knowing he is doing it.
I didn’t realize it at the time and do know: What a gift I gave my son in teaching him this breath practice.
practice sama vritti: equal breathing
learn to breathe
become a kids yoga teacher
